This is the question Tucker loves to ask me. It is this little game he plays with me because he knows that I cry at the drop of a hat. My Mama asked me when she read my blog for the first time, "Why did you choose the name, Misadventures from a woman on the edge? Is something wrong?". Well, I figured with as many crazy things that happen to me in my life, Misadventures seemed to fit, and well, I am ALWAYS on the edge of something. Today I might be on the edge of a breakthrough and in 30 minutes it may the edge of a breakdown. The latter if Tucker has anything to do with it.
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| Could my eyes be anymore swollen from crying? |
Since the last day of school, CariAnna's junior year of high school, I think I have probably cried at least once a day. Sometimes more, some times less, but the averages are stacked against me. At first I Am sure that my family thought I was on the edge of a Mental breakdown but they have learned to live with it and now it is abnormal if I do not cry......according to Tucker.....at least once every 24 hours. So he does his best to make sure he says something super sentimental and sweet to me each day to make it happen.
Here are a few examples:
"Mama, what are you gonna do here all by your self over the summer when we have all moved out?". I don't know son but I will ponder on that tonight while I cry myself to sleep. Thanks for helping me to start planning my later years in this empty nest!
"Mama, I think today for my High School graduation, I will wear my hair combed over to the side like you combed it for my Kindergarten graduation." to which Daddy says, "Son, go back upstairs. You are not helping her deal with this at all."
"Mama, if I have anything in this world to be proud of its that I have a Mama and Daddy that love each other and have been married for 24 years and I know without a doubt you will be married 24 more plus some. I told that to my whole class today at school. Some of the kids said I was lucky. I already new that!"
These are just a few of the ones that he said in the past 2 months. This does not even take into account all the heart breaking songs he forces me to listen to.
Crying is just a part of life. I come from a tender hearted family. If you know my brother you would understand. He can hardly ever stand up in front of the church without his chin beginning to quiver. I love that quality in us and I hope we never outgrow it. When you get to the point when your heart is so hard that it will not break?......you have a problem.
Crying is OK. Even Jesus did it. On one occasion Jesus shed a tear of compassion. When he came into town, his friend, Lazarus, had died. I don't think he was crying for Lazarus. I think he was crying because of the pain that Lazarus' family was enduring. Everyone needs someone to care. People generally do not care how much we know until they know how much we care. Showing compassion to others will open their hearts to you. The world would be a better place if we worried less about putting people in their place and more about putting ourselves in the place of others.
Another time, Jesus shed a tear of sadness. Jesus had done all he could to get the people to believe in him yet their were still so many who doubted. I know people in my life who never give the afterlife a second thought but I hope I am living my life in such a way that they see Jesus in me and my family. Jesus let his tears take him to the cross.....my tears must bring me to tell my friends about the cross.
Jesus also shed a tear because he struggled. His death was coming and yes, he struggled with it! In the Garden of Gethsemane he cried and prayed that GOD would find another way but there was no Plan B.
Here comes the AHA moment...........Jesus stresses for me. He knows every sleepless night I have. He knows every tear I shed and he understands. I think he became human for this very reason......to really be able to understand me. Everyone has problems, but if I am wise I will let those troubles drive them to pray to a merciful and understanding GOD.
Jesus wept so why shouldn't I. I may cry for many reasons, happy or sad, but that's ok. We sing this at worship......
Break my heart, dear Lord. Tear the barriers down.
Show me with convicting tears the glory of your crown.
My heart is hard, my souls so weak. The ways of evil cut so deep.
I need you Lord to come inside, and gentle break my heart.
I pray that I always have Jesus in my heart to gently break it when I get too big for my britches. But in the mean time, I am sure Tucker will keep me on my toes. He has decided that making me cry once every 24 hours was just to easy. He just informed me he was gonna step it up to every 12. I gotta go to Walmart. I got a feeling I am gonna need more Kleenex.
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